Kim Kardashian Straightens Hair, Justifies Existence

When it comes to the Kardashian sisters, the complaint I hear most often is that they’re famous for “nothing.” To that, I say, “Psh! They are on the E! Network, one of the last bastions of high quality, content-driven programming!” I kid, I kid. But the Kardashians aren’t famous for nothing - at least, sister Kim has made a name for herself. You see, Kim Kardashian has gotten very, very good at looking pretty in public.

Think about the last time you went out in public. Was it a quick trip to the grocery store, perhaps? A Slurpee pit stop at the nearest 7-11? Did you venture out through a throng of Twilight-obsessed preteens and their even more obsessed moms to see a movie? And what were you wearing? Did you have a full face of makeup? Was your hair carefully straightened and arranged ever so carefully? No! That’s why Kim Kardashian is famous and you’re not. Now let us never argue again.

The good news is that there is something that can be done about your slovenly appearance - something that is easy to achieve, even fun! First you have to buy a Chi straightener or a Farouk flat iron. Don’t settle for a lesser straightener - it’ll just fry your hair. Remember, WWKKD? (What Would Kim Kardashian Do?) She certainly wouldn’t compromise her hair just to save a few bucks! You want a Chi straightener because they’re high quality, which means they’re easier to use (they heat faster and more evenly than lesser irons) and less damaging (no cooking hair with metal plates). Then, working in 1″ sections, straighten your hair. Just pass the iron over each section once or twice, no more. Now you’re almost Kardashian-worthy! If you can commit to spackling yourself with the kind of makeup most women reserve for red letter events like, you know, their wedding day or the Oscars, you’re probably ready for your own TV show. Congratulations, you’re a celebrity!